When people come to me for relationship coaching it is because their relationship is uncomfortable or is breaking down and they want to make things better. These relationships can be in several forms including partnerships, spouse or family member. Often at least one person in the relationship believes that other person is at fault and expects me to ‘fix’ the other person. Now although it can be the case where one person may need more support than the other, a relationship is a partnership and both partners need to be ready to look inward, acknowledge their part in the situation, to work towards common goals, be prepared to make changes and accept that things may not always work out as hoped or expected. Relationship coaching helps each person to consider the current uncomfortable situation from different perspectives, try out alternative ways of behaving, communicating and thinking to allow the relationship the opportunity to improve and grow stronger.
Relationships of all kinds may suffer for any number of reasons. People change, people outgrow one another, have different expectations or values or are heavily influenced by others including families and friends. People stop liking each other for a a whole variety of reasons. Relationship suffer and then become painful and people are unable to communicate effectively. When you can’t communicate you cannot relate. Couples come to me when they don’t know how to change. They may have been screaming at each other for years, or maybe they’ve had so many difficulties they’re not sure whether to stay together or not. Sometimes they may be struggling with relatively minor issues which have threatened an upcoming wedding. In the weeks and months it can be common to get second thoughts. Identifying and resolving problems early on can allow marriages to be built on stronger foundations upon which to build a more resilient relationship.
People often we look for a partner to fulfil something that’s missing within themselves and they project our own shortcomings or our own beliefs onto that person and expect them to conform. When the other person does not conform, they feel as if they have been let down. They can become resentful of the other person for not meeting their expectations. By recognising how our own behaviours and beliefs can affect the relationship is really important and when we can accept some of the responsibility we have a better chance of making things work.
Just to be clear, I am not a counsellor, I am a coach. I am not going to sit through session after session where couples just bicker and argue. People come to me because they want to make changes. I expect each party to be willing to examine his or her own part in the situation and to do things differently.